I don’t know what to believe in anymore. I question myself and my faith all the time, and I have since she died. But now it’s even worse. I blame everything on God, when half the time I say I don’t even believe. I just wish she’d come down and help me. She put the faith in me, then when she died, so did my faith. I want to believe in God for her. Because I know if I believe in God, then I believe she’s really truly happy. I said some things that I shouldn’t have and then someone said some other things that really made me think and cry.

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So God’s supposed to be this great thing. All-powerful, all-knowing, perfect, creator of all things good and evil. But why would he want evil? I mean, if he loves his children so damn much, why make them suffer? I mean, who would want to watch their children suffer? That’s what we are after all : God’s children.

Then will someone please tell me why I can’t catch a friggin break from Him??? I’m only 15 years old. I shouldn’t have to be going through this crap.

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was great. There is only two more days left of Spring Break, and I wish I could go back and relive this past week. I’m already complaining I need another vacation. I went to South Carolina to visit my cousins and wow. We had so much fun. We went to the South Carolina Aquarium and went all over the place. My friend Andy has the pictures and videos taken and has promised me a copy. When I get my copy, I promise, I’ll post some stuff.