Along side recounting events from my life and Relay, I want to help raise awareness, whether it’s for breast cancer, lung cancer, or cancer in general. Everyone needs to know that it’s not something you can just have surgery for and POOF! it’s gone. There’s chemotherapy, radiation, pill after pill after pill, yet there is no guarantee it won’t kill you.

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So, as you all may know, a couple of weeks ago, my English class took a trip to the National Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington, D.C. (Never Again). After the tour, we had a few minutes before our bus left so I hit the gift shop. I got a button that says “Never Again” a keychain with the museum for my brother, a postcard with all the cool stuff in DC on it, my Save Darfur bracelet, and a book.

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My English class is studying the Holocaust right now. We’ve read Night by Elie Wiesel who is a survivor, watched Spielberg’s Schindler’s List, written essays and journal entries, etc. We’ve buried our heads for the past six weeks into the past. Yesterday we went even further. We took a field trip to the National Holocaust Museum in Washington D.C. If I could have taken pictures, I would have. There was so much to see and it was breathtaking. Everything about it, the pictures, the artifacts, the videos, everything. There were times I wanted to cry and times I felt nauseous. In one part of the museum they have an actual cattle car that was used to transport the Jews from the Ghettos to the concentration camps and when I walked through it, I wanted to puke so bad. I guess studying it and seeing all the pictures and such graphic descriptions of how it was in the cars was just too much. Luckily, I didn’t. I want to go back. I want to go read more than I did. I want to see it all. We were only allowed in the permanent exhibit, but I want to go see everything else. And then do some more touring of DC. I bought a pin that says “Never Again” which is a theme that is taught from the Holocaust. There’s also a Jewish hip-hop artist who goes by the name of Remedy. One of his songs is “Never Again” which we listened to. I found the video and I wanted to share it with someone.

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I don’t know what to believe in anymore. I question myself and my faith all the time, and I have since she died. But now it’s even worse. I blame everything on God, when half the time I say I don’t even believe. I just wish she’d come down and help me. She put the faith in me, then when she died, so did my faith. I want to believe in God for her. Because I know if I believe in God, then I believe she’s really truly happy. I said some things that I shouldn’t have and then someone said some other things that really made me think and cry.

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So God’s supposed to be this great thing. All-powerful, all-knowing, perfect, creator of all things good and evil. But why would he want evil? I mean, if he loves his children so damn much, why make them suffer? I mean, who would want to watch their children suffer? That’s what we are after all : God’s children.

Then will someone please tell me why I can’t catch a friggin break from Him??? I’m only 15 years old. I shouldn’t have to be going through this crap.

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was great. There is only two more days left of Spring Break, and I wish I could go back and relive this past week. I’m already complaining I need another vacation. I went to South Carolina to visit my cousins and wow. We had so much fun. We went to the South Carolina Aquarium and went all over the place. My friend Andy has the pictures and videos taken and has promised me a copy. When I get my copy, I promise, I’ll post some stuff.

Life is good right now. My family is doing awesome I think….

I talked to my uncle for about 15 minutes yesterday which was great.

I got my permit today!!!!!

I’m going to see Papaw tomorrow.

Hopefully, I’ll get to see Matt, too. =]

I can drive now.

And I only almost hit two kids…but they deserved it; they wouldn’t move out of my way. =]

I gotta go pack.

Lovess!!

Really. I’m not being sarcastic. Starting Monday, the 5th, I begin the end of my diver’s ed class. This is the driving portion. Then, after I pass on Saturday, I can go get my permit within thirty days. If I go before Thursday the 15th, I can help Mom drive when we go see Papawthat weekend. That is if James doesnt go.

Ah, I just thought I’d share. =]

For the day I’ve dreaded for a week and a half, today was pretty friggin’ great. Today was the day I made my return to school.

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My apologies for the lack of update. I’ve missed four days of school this week. I didn’t get off my couch until Thursday night, and that was only because Pops came home and needed his bed back.

I wouldn’t mind the missing school part if it wasn’t for our stupid policy. Our school systems are all about trying to keep the attendance rate up and therefore trying to keep the failing rate low as well. However, this is my beef with the policy. They have decided that we are forbidden to miss more than six days in a a semester. You’ve got to be kidding me, right? For the middle schools, they can only miss twelve days for the whole year (which is six days a semester except they keep their classes all year around, except two which they can only miss six days in…do you follow?). When we moved here, I was in middle school and my grandmother was on her deathbead (lung cancer) so we went to see her one last time. We spend three or four school days there. The day we were to return, she died. Lovely, right? We had to spend more time there for the funeral and such. So I missed my six days in gym, which I only had for a semester. Guess what? They FAILED me until I spent a couple of hours on Saturday at school to make up my lost time. Nice right? 

Wait, it gets better. I got sick that year and missed, like, two weeks of school. That’s ten days automatically. Add that with the other days I had missed, I was screwed. So I spent quite a few Saturdays at school and that STILL wasn’t enough to get my days down. So I ended up spending time after school with the principal to make up my time. Now, my principal wasn’t a bad woman. I mean, after all, she did set it up so I wouldn’t fail. It’s not my fault my grandmother got sick nor was it my fault I needed a spinal tap and couldn’t move for two weeks. See, school is my world. I’ve got big dreams and if I would have failed, then there would have been hell to pay.

Now, onto this year. My Grandfather is pretty sick and I honestly don’t expect him to last much longer. Quite honestly, I’m suprised he’s lasted this long. Then there’s my uncle who’s got cancer as well and isn’t doing so hot either. I’m figuring I’m going to a few funerals in the near future. And since we just started our new semester, my slate’s clean…except the four days I’ve just missed due to bronchitis. There are nearly four months left of school and I’m allowed to miss two more days. God, this sucks.

 I’m stressing out because of it. We’ve been in this semester for three weeks and I’m already pretty much screwed. I get the material, I do my work, I make the grades, so I don’t get why I have to be there 85% of the time or whatever it is. I mean, I do, but then again I don’t. I know it helps for the “real world” and whatnot, but this is school. It’s not even college. And stuff happens right? I can’t help that salmonella runs around and I can’t help it’s flu season. And I can’t help who dies or when they die. Trust me, I have no problem going to school. I’m not a skipper. I’ve never skipped a day in my life (without my parents permission of course). But now I can’t even just take a day off because I sick. I can’t fail. Period.

It’s not wonder there have been cases of school closing because not enough kids are going to school. One of the schools in my district had to close down because there weren’t enough kids there. It’s crazy. They tell us we can’t miss so many days, so we go when we feel like poo. Our brains aren’t functioning properly and we’re just spreading our diseases, making things worse. How nice is that? I’m not saying kids should stay home at the first sign of a belly ache, but when someone’s got a nasty cold or the flu or bronchitis, why should we have to worry about FAILING our classes? Especilly if we’re some of the brightest kids around? I know every school has their bad seeds and all, but seriously. As long as we get the right material, isn’t that what matters? If we don’t get it, most teachers offer after school tutoring on Tuesdays and Thursdays, or even every day of the week (except Wednesday because they have staff meetings then). If kids don’t feel like getting one-on-one time to get what they need, that’s their fault. Not mine. My geometry teacher stays after school until like five every single day just to help her students. That’s a great teacher right there. She hates her staff meetings BECAUSE it takes away from her tutoring time.

Well, I have make up work that I don’t feel like doing that needs to be done. As well as some cleaning. I really want to go to the park for some fresh air. If only we had one in walking distance…

I’d like to thank my wonderful Daddy for my pretty flowers he bought me for Valentine’s Day. Even if they are a few days late