January 21, 2008

It’s Coming.

Posted in Friends, Life, Love, Personal at 12:59 am by Kaylaface.

Whatever it is, whenever it gets here, I’m ready. We can take on the world at this point. It took a year and a half for someone to come along to make me feel like I can really open up again and fall in love. What’s another two years? I think I can wait.

Don’t get me wrong, I still love him and I’m still hanging on, no matter how much he tries to sink my boat, but only by a little. Any given Sunday right? I have those days where I can’t even get out of bed and it’s like “You’re a bitch, I hate you for making me fall in love with you.” I don’t want to eat or sleep or get out of bed or anything. And it’s those days that give me hope. Hope that someone will come along and throw that thread of him out of my hand and give me a new ball of yarn to hang onto. If I can survive those days, by God, I can survive anything. He’s got his new girls coming and going and each time I’m a little less jealous and a little more there for him. I know what it’s like to need someone after you’re heart feels like it’s been ripped to pieces, even if it was him who did to me.

In the end that’s what we want: happiness. Not for us, but for them. It’s why we were with them in the first place–to make them as happy as we could, even if we failed. When someone comes along who does a much better job than we did, all we can do is smile and encourage them. And if, and when, that person drops the one we love, we have to stand at their rock bottom, waiting, with arms wide open to catch them. We may not be the ones to make them happy in the way we want to, but we can definitely be a good friend.

Until that person who comes along that makes me say “I love you” and mean it in that “true-love-you’re-amazing-you-give-me-a-million-butterflies” way, I’m going to work at making things right where it needs to be fixed. I’ve other things that need my attention, school, friends, family, etc. I’m focused and determined to make things work. I want to pull myself together where it needs pulling together, and right now, love and stuff, isn’t that place. When that person comes along, I’ll be willing to add another place to work and focus and make work. I’ll be ready. I’ll be waiting.

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February 24, 2007

What a great day.

Posted in Family, Friends, Heritage, Irish, Literature, Movies, My Day, My Father, My Mother, Personal, Rainbows, school at 4:30 am by Kaylaface.

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For the day I’ve dreaded for a week and a half, today was pretty friggin’ great. Today was the day I made my return to school.

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