July 10, 2008

Holy Crap. I’m growing up.

Posted in Life, Love, Personal, Sex at 12:06 am by Kaylaface.

So I’m going to beat Dad to this one. Not to mention this is the only place and I can blog without getting bitched at about this whole thing.

My seventeenth birthday is this weekend and holy crap are my hormones raging.

There’s this kid. We can call him K. We used to work together until he had to move last month. He’s pretty and funny. God, is he hilarious. Did I mention he’s pretty? We’ve always joked around about doing it but it was never serious, really, sorta. I mean, I was halfway joking and kinda kept that side showing. Being a virgin, I’m supposed to be looking for love, right?

Well, one night before he moved all the way to Florida, K and I worked an all night thing at our job (we work at a skating rink/arcade/lazer tag) and were in the back of lazer tag and things got kind of heated. There was lots of kissing and less working. BUT nothing else happened.

I walked away with regret for the first time in my life that I didn’t sleep with him that night. I mean, he’s been a friend for a year now and I’m so comfortable with him, I mean, why NOT have sex with him?

Here’s the good news: K’s in town this week to pick up more of his stuff and we spent the first day together at my boss’s house…in the pool..alone…yeah. Use your imagination. So we talked and didn’t talk and hormones are raging.

Bad news, once again, I screwed up and left a virgin again. I made up the excuses such as “Maybe I want love” and “I’d just be a girl on your list” and “what about the other girls” and “OH yeah! You live 15 hours away now!” etc. He came back with “It’d be your birthday present” and “who cares? we’re teenagers.” and “come on? what happened to before?” (I texted him and told him about my regret) along with “even good girls got to be bad sometimes.” Still, I backed out. Crap.

I thought it about it long and hard (pun very much intended) that night and decided, why the hell do I need to be in love? What is love to a seventeen year old girl anyway? Why can’t I start a list of my own? He can just be the first name on it. 🙂 No real attachment other than the first boy to have sex with right? It’s not like he’s just some guy off the streets. He’s a person I’ve known for so long that I feel comfortable with and can imagine doing <i>it</i> with.

My friends don’t like this idea though. Apparently I should wait for someone who cares enough to go at my pace and whatnot. When I’m ready.

Okay, I think at this point, when it comes to K, I’m ready. Like Daddy said, I should go to Sam’s Club and get the big “OPEN” sign. I mean, I think I’m more ready for this than SpongeBob is for work. Seriously.

I’m a teenager. I have hormones and at this point, they’re really kicking in. He’s leaving the day after tomorrow so it’s pretty much now or a few months from now and I really don’t want to wait that long, but my friends make it seem like I’m a horrible person if I sleep with him just because he SAYS he’s slept with a lot of girls and he now lives far away. But it’s like, I’ve passed this up TWICE, should I really do it again?

fuck me. not you. him. :]


July 28, 2007

Sex, Sex, and more Sex.

Posted in Family, God, Life, Personal, school, Sex at 5:29 am by Kaylaface.

I just read something that really disturbed me. Something about some guy taking over the sex education stuff in Texas or some place. Abstinence is the only way to go until marriage.

Excuse my French, but, Bullshit.

My teenager instincts say, “What if the sex is bad? You can’t get out of it because you’ve already tied yourself down by getting married. You’re stuck that way.”

Personally, I’m not waiting for marriage. I’m also not going to go whore myself around. I want to be in love, or at least really comfortable with the person. There have only been two people I could even picture myself “doing the deed” with. One of which I’ve begun to question. Actually, both of them come to think of it.

But that’s me, being safe. Watching out for me. That’s the mature side of me that apparently doesn’t exist to some people. Read the rest of this entry »